Butterflies and panic attacks...

Yeah, not THOSE kind of butterflies, the real ones, with wings... We took the kids to a new butterfly atrium near us today.  I know that I have issues with flying and jumping bugs but it thought I could handle it, I really did.  Butterflies are so pretty, and I really do like them and obviously I know they can't hurt me.  Now if they are more than 10 feet away or just sitting on something I'm perfectly fine, but if it flies anywhere near me I go all super ninja, jumping and twisting and flailing my arms... Yeah, I'm THAT freaky person who's afraid of the friendly little butterfly.  I mentally prepped for going into the atrium, I knew the butterflies would be everywhere and possibly land on me... But it did not prepare me for the real thing!  They were all flapping around as big as my hand or larger (and NO I'm NOT exaggerating!) zooming past my face and all around.  I tried to be brave and not let the kids see, but every time one came anywhere near me I would jump a little, and hold in my desire to scream and start crying right there.  After a grand total of two minutes I just couldn't deal with it anymore, I was about to break into a full on panic attack right there, so I handed my two year old and my phone with the camera on to my dear sweet husband and said "I'll meet you outside", his response... "I wondered how long you'd last", *sigh*.  So I sat in the cafe and sipped on a Pepsi (bad girl), took some deep calming breaths and waited for my family to join me.  When they did I was happy to see that my fear didn't pass to the kids, they had a great time!  My daughter had a butterfly land on her head which had her on cloud 9, and my husband had a paper kite butterfly land on his foot and then climb the length of his body to sit on his neck (*shudder*), and according to my oldest this was amazing because the lady that works there was really excited and told them that the paper kites NEVER land on people EVER!  Maybe we should play the lottery! Here are a few butterfly photos of the cool things I missed today...

That last one I actually saw because it was a separate room behind glass where they "hatch" the butterflies... That one is an Atlas Moth, I had my oldest put his hand on the glass so it shows the size of the thing, it's huge!!

In other news, just two and a half weeks until my surgery...eep!  Just need to keep making it through the days... Aquarium tomorrow... Luckily I'm only afraid of fish if I'm expected to be in the water with them... So yeah, me? Swim in natural bodies of water?  Nope, not me!  Ugh, I'm such a wimp!

2 1/2 weeks left

Only 2 1/2 weeks left!  I'm really looking forward to my pre-op appointment on Thursday.  I have lots of questions, and I've started making notes when I think of something so I don't forget to ask.  So far I want to know if my doctor recommends Arnica Montana and Bromelain for swelling and bruising post-op, I know a lot of doctors do and I want to do everything I can to help my recovery. Also, does he use a pain pump?  From the research I've done many doctors seem to believe it helps patients recover faster because they are in less pain they move around more...this sounds good to me!  Also, where does he plan to place my implants?  And finally (so far), do I really need to do an MRI every three years with silicone implants?  If I do this is a significant cost added to our lives because its 1-2 thousand dollars since its generally not covered by insurance for implant checks.  So what are his thoughts/recommendations there?? 

My mother in law is currently visiting and I was worried to tell her about my upcoming surgery.  I completely expected her to be upset about us spending so much money.  They have always had money issues, several years ago my husbands name was on their bank account for emergency reasons and when they overdrew their account the money was taken from ours!  Over $5000!!  They've still not paid back most of it, plus other times we've lent them money, they owe us quite a bit actually... So for some reason any time we do something that costs lots of money they freak out. (Insert eye roll here). So I was quite surprised when she was happy and excited for me...although she has threatened to steal my "recovery chair" for herself, after all, it is very comfy.  Now I need to figure out how to tell my grandparents... And no, I'm not telling anyone other than my parents and friends about the breast augmentation party of this surgery, I just don't want to deal with those questions.

As for the bikini I bought last week on vacation, I've found it's really given me quite a confidence boost!  I actually wore it today to a local pool in front of my mil and ex-bil. I felt pretty good about myself and managed not to be completely self-conscious. So there's hope for me yet!!

Submuscular vs subglandular

I've been doing a lot of research around my tummy tuck so I decided to give that a break and start researching breast augmentation.  We have already discussed with my doctor and chosen silicone implants, but after my research I definitely have a big question....submuscular vs subglandular?  Meaning, place the implant under the pectoral muscle or under the breast tissue (above the muscle).  For me, my breasts sag some but not too bad, I'd really just like to add a little of the fullness I've lost from breastfeeding three babies.  I really find that the idea of putting the implant UNDER the muscle kinda freaks me out.  I know that this is the more "popular" style for implants currently but how can they look right?  How can you exercise normally afterward?  I mean really, wouldn't you feel the muscle squishing the implant while doing chest work like push-ups??  I'm a pretty active person and have no intention of not working out just because I got implants!  I want to continues jogging, karate, insanity, asylum, etc... I know the chances of sagging are a little higher with subglandular and there is more risk of capsular contracture (hardening and tightening around the implant) and some say it is harder to get a good mammogram picture done.  I'm not too worried about the mammogram thing, there is no history of breast cancer in my family and I believe a good tech will be able to do her job if she's told about the implants before the squishing begins.  Really, from pictures I even like the look of the subglandular more, to me it's more natural looking and that's what I want.  I just need to discuss it with my doctor at my pre-op appointment in a week and a half...I hope he does subglandular, otherwise I may just re-think having my breasts done, after all they're not THAT bad!

After discussing this with my husband and spending some time looking at before and after photos with him I've discovered something.  It's not the placement of the implant that makes a difference to me but the SIZE.  Both dh and I like when the breasts are filled out but not overly round and definitely not porn star boobs!  I feel better now and I'm looking forward to my pre-op appointment more and trying on the new me!

Bikini, oh-boy!

Well, since we're still in Arizona even though its vacation it's hot and all the kids want to do is swim, which is fine with me.  The first two days I've worn my tankini that I bought last summer.  Problem is I've lost weight since I bought it and its a bit loose in the bottoms and quite loose in the top, if I move wrong my tiny saggy boobs fall out!  Thank goodness I'm not just getting a tummy tuck but breast implants too... Not huge ones of course, I just want to fill out the sagginess.  I got tired of falling out of my suit pretty quickly so I finally sucked it up, went to the local target and found  a decent BIKINI!!  Eep!  This morning I actually wore it to the pool.  It wasn't so bad as long as I stayed in the water deep enough that my stomach was covered. So here it is my bikini before!

Not awful except the baggy saggy tummy... I'm really looking forward to seeing how it looks after my mommy makeover!!

De-stressing and distressing....

First day of vacation was nice.  We got to the resort a little before dinner time so I took the kids to the pool.  I have to say I really dislike my bathing suit.  With all the changes my body has gone through between having three kids and then losing a bunch of weight, a nice fitting bathing suit is hard to find... Right now the bottoms are a bit baggy and the top, well... my tiny saggy boobs keep popping out :( at least it's a tankini so the saggy belly is covered!  

After the pool we came back to our villa to have dinner... I'm realizing that keeping to my calories this week will be harder than I originally thought.  Day one and I already over ate, ugh, but food is sooo yummy!  After I got the kids to bed I had time to relax in the awesome two person whirlpool tub in my room....literally, IN my room!

How cool is that!  But when I got into the tub I realized I haven't taken a bath or sat in water without a bathing suit on since loosing weight and the difference it would make.  Did you know that skin FLOATS!!  Oh-my-goodness.  I look down and my whole stomach is floating this way and that with the whirlpool currents. So gross!! Just another reason I feel good about my tummy tuck decision, no more nasty floating skin! Blech!

Vacation time!

I'm finally getting a week away from home to just relax, although we're only going less than an hour away from home lol.  We will be staying in a resort villa, which means kitchen!  So although I'm on vacation I have no intention of eating out, I will stick to my calories!  I may not be eating quite as healthy...think pb&j, frozen pizza, and skillet dinners, I am after all still on vacation!  But I'm not letting go of my goal to lose or maintain over the next two weeks so I can have my cheesecake on the 30th (yes, I really do like cheesecake that much).  The harder week will be when we get back but have mil, nephew and ex-bil visiting... I know they're going to want to eat out, and mil loves Chinese...I've never been a fan of Chinese, and the salt....oooo I can feel the puffiness now!  Also, today's date is the 14th, that means one month until my surgery...eep!  I have been reading and researching tons about others experiences with abdominoplasty and I think it'll be good that I probably won't have wi-fi on vacation.  Give myself a little mental break too.

5 weeks to go!

Eek!  Only five weeks left until surgery!  It seems so long yet so close.  Next week we will be on a family vacation, the week after my mother-in-law, nephew, and ex-brother-in-law are coming to visit, the next week is my pre-op appointment, the next week all the kids start school, then the next week is my surgery... Holy busy! We also have hair appointments, dentist appointments, school shopping, etc to fit in there somewhere.  Although I'm nervous I'm also feeling pretty good about my choice, I know the recovery is long and hard but I know it'll be worth it.  So far I have my recliner and loose pjs with button down tops to wear after surgery, now I just need to wait for my pre-op appointment to know what else I need.  The folliculitis on my legs is almost gone, which is good because I'm getting hairy!  I can't shave, wax, or go swimming until it goes away...since we're leaving for vacation Sunday it better be gone soon! The healthy eating lessons with the kids are going well, I'm down a total of 6 pounds.  But better than that my oldest has started telling me how good he feels and how he feels great after he exercises with me... After this mornings workout he randomly went and weighed himself (I swear I'm not making this about weight, not asking him to lose weight or anything like that!  I'm just asking him to be healthier) and he cam out so proud of himself, he's down two pounds and he's so happy because he says he's getting healthier and feels nice and light, lol.  I'm just happy that he feels so good about himself.